“Did you ever hear about the guy who got frozen?
Time went on for everybody else, he won’t know it
He’s still 23 inside his fantasy
How it was supposed to be
Did you hear about the guy who lives in delusion?
Break-ups happen every day, you don’t have to lose it
He’s still 23 inside his fantasy
And you’re sitting in front of me“

When I think of the events surrounding my life as I turn twenty-three, I feel like I am in a clean slate. The things happening recently are both endings and beginnings—an end of an era, a fresh start, an advent season.

Looking back, the things I manifested on my previous birthday have eventually been fulfilled and are bound to happen. The most recent of which is my forthcoming commencement exercises. In twelve days, I will graduate, at long last! God knows how much and how long I prayed for this to happen. But once I achieve this milestone, I will probably keep on asking myself, “what’s to come? what now?” For I am still clueless how to navigate my life from here on out. Will I pursue my passion? Or will I continue what I have started? Will I choose what I want this time? Or pursue what society would like to see me do—to take the board exams and work elsewhere thereafter? What’s is to come? I have no idea.

This freedom is both a blessing and a curse. I am free from school work and academic endeavors. I am also slowly being disentangled from the strict parenting as I am slowly becoming independent…hopefully. At 23, I better be. On the lovely side of that, this freedom also makes me anxious as it would mean that I have to fend for myself eventually. I have to work, earn, save, and invest—a typical twenty something would be expected to do. Along with this comes the quarter life crisis—the questioning, the doubts, the uncertainty, the unknown, which entails the pressure of having it all figured out and achieving your dreams. I am fully aware of the fact that the responsibilities I have ahead are much more complex. I’ll quote Taylor Swift, the scary news is: I’m on my own now, cool news is: I’m on my own now. No other choice would be more appropriate than to move forward, forever onward. As long as I am fortunate enough to be breathing, I will remind myself that I am in control of what I’d do and how I’d like to live my life. I know I won’t have all the questions answered at this moment, but it’s my internal locus of control that would help me figure it out.

For now, the thing I need to do is enjoy the current moment, celebrate my victories, and not get overwhelmed by the uncertainty and unknown. I’d focus first on what is bound to happen in the coming weeks, and I’ll go get that bread! There will be no problems, just champagne. This is 23.

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Not much needs to be said but thank you.

To God, thank You for all that You have given me. Lord, I won’t be here without Your unending grace.

To Mom, Dad, and Popons, thank you, I love you! I’ll do everything to make you proud!

To everyone who remembered me, greeted me, sent me food and gifts today, thank you all!

Love,

Andrei